"How-to" bake & decorate a cake

You’re so welcome, don’t even mention it.

Apr 27, 2024

My Amma turned 95 last week and I volunteered to make her a cake.

The goal: Something like this. I’d made the same one for my birthday last year and it turned out ok. So, theoretically it can only get better from here, right?

“The Recipe”

Step 1: Get the cake mix out of the box and follow the instructions on the packet. Repeat x 3 times so you have 3 cakes. Ideally, they’ll bake evenly. They don’t.

Step 2: Take out of the oven and cool before freezing overnight. Close the freezer door and think carefully about your life choices. What on earth possessed you for such a mission?

Step 3: The cakes are wobbly. How quaint. Gently carve them back with a sharp knife in attempt to make them more even. This will make it slightly better in some places, slightly worse in others, but you’ll feel good about yourself for trying.

Step 4: Ask your fiancé if he thinks this shade of pink icing is better than the other-almost-exactly-the-same-but-definitely-not peach coloured icing. Marvel at how he truly does attempt to give this decision genuine consideration. Peach it is.

The instructions on the box say to “decorate like Alice in Wonderland just discovered the joy of baking” and you take this to heart. What fun awaits you!

Step 5: Time to get the icing onto the cake in a smooth-why-doesn’t-she-do-this-for-a-living finish. This will involve a tug-o-war between you and the sliding cake board in which you will lose. You know this. You continue anyway.

Step 6: Witness the piping droop like a child who just watched their ice-cream fall on the ground. When you are finally ready to admit defeat, simply remove the piping and your pride with your fancy spatula and try again. Repeat this step 4 or 5 more times.

Step 7: Change the design completely (this time we’re feeling: “deliberately rustic hand-made simplicity”) and go back to step 5. Skip step 6 this time.

Step 8: Wonder how on earth more of the icing ended up on you, the floor and the table than on the actual cake.

Step 9: Through the powers of resourcefulness, a “fix-it” attitude and a more accurate reading of your current skill-level, you pull this new design direction together with style. (Pro tip: When in doubt, there’s always edible glitter. Spray that bébé everywhere.)

Step 9: Box it up for the party and forget to take the candles because of who you are as a person.